With concerns mounting that spying, espionage, and Deep State subversion are interfering with his term in office, sources close to President Trump reveal that he is growing increasingly concerned about a man who has been hiding behind a flag in the Oval Office of the White House.
“I’ve asked, and he insists he isn’t doing anything illegal, but I’m not entirely convinced,” says Trump of the man wearing dark sunglasses and a New York Times t-shirt who has been attempting to remain hidden for 27 consecutive months.
“There’s something not entirely right about it, but my staff keeps reassuring me that the man is as trustworthy as they are.”
Staffers report that the President has asked if the man could be removed on several occasions, but was met with some pushback by staff who pointed out that the man in the dark sunglasses largely remains quiet and out of the way and keeps to himself. The president admits that the man has presented little obstacle in the Oval Office.
“Well, that part is true, I’ve only had to ask him twice to move a microphone or other recording device — I’m told he is a Soundcloud rapper, but I haven’t had the time to listen to any of his stuff — and that’s not a lot in 27 months. Occasionally he leaves his dirty dishes or candy wrappers on my desk, but that’s just a minor detail. I have housekeepers who handle that. Wonderful Chinese and Russian housekeepers. Marvelous people, very talented” the president quipped.
“My people want him to stay. I’m not sure what that’s about, but I have picked fine, fine people, the best there are, and they’ve assured me that the man should be left where he is, hiding behind the flag with a clear view over my shoulder and within earshot of everything I have to say. That was their direct recommendation,” the President told reporters Saturday.
“So what am I going to do? I’m going to keep a watchful eye — you can believe me — but let him stay for now like my staff asks unless he gives me a reason.”
“We’ve got bigger details to tend to” said the President. “Clearly, someone is leaking some things they shouldn’t be, saying some things that are of dubious accuracy by my own account, and the focus for myself and my staff needs to be on catching the spies and stopping the deep state interference right now. The man behind the flag is concerning, and I don’t like it, and if he gives me even one good reason he’ll be out on his ear as quick as you can put someone out. But, until he gives me a reason, I have no reason to do anything but follow my staff’s advice and leave him alone.”