Doctors believe that if the coronavirus has information which could lead to Hillary’s arrest, it will be contained quickly and mysteriously smother itself to death within months.
CDC: “A lot of precautions have been taken to prevent coronavirus from becoming widespread. But there seems to be nothing that can stop Ron Jeremy.”
Spokesman D.R. Everend said “Clearly, we would have been more careful about the words we chose if we had only realized that people who did not find ISIS to be chock-full of dreamy superstuds with giant, throbbing, well-oiled members would be reading.”
Trudeau says he is deeply embarrassed by the photos, which “regrettably” depict the Prime Minister dressed and behaving like a white man with normal testosterone levels.
“Knowing that a star of Dinklage’s stature was going to be present ahead of time, we were able to put intel out in advance and net three of these dwarf-trafficking bastards,” said Chief Constable Hamilton. “Today we made it a little bit safer for a few little people.”
Researchers believe the shrimp might stop testing positive for cocaine if local police were to develop a more environmentally friendly policy of leaving the meth supply intact.