Harper took the news about Trout’s $430M deal better than expected, telling friends “I hope he has a blast, you know? Time of his fucking life! Brag to all his fucking California friends about that bullshit, you know?”
Rangers President Jon Daniels: “Let’s face it, even Mike Trout doesn’t have the drawing power of Big Sexy.”
According to an industry insider and close friend of the star, adult movie actor Ron Jeremy has decided to undergo penis reduction surgery. Considered the
Dr. Randall Kirger presented his revolutionary paper, ‘OMG it’s 2019 Can We Stop Calling These Things Black Boxes Already?’ March 16 at Flouter Hall.
“I was doing my own bed laundry by the time I was 14,” O’Rourke almost-perfectly quipped at a rally in Iowa, connecting himself with young voters.
The new Birdie 3000 penis-measuring rulers are designed to account for the two inches of penis that people can’t see, but that every guy totally knows is there.