“I’ll remember from now on to keep Pfizer and Starbucks and Bank of America — companies I am confident have my best interests at heart — in my nightly prayers. God bless you, corporate sponsors!”
Category: Brown Valley Local
I swear I’m not pandering: I dream about making love to someone exactly like you. Vote Brick in ’19!
I’m not saying it’s you. I’m just saying that this person looks exactly like you, has the same insightful opinions, the same infectious sense of humor, and the same pleasant sounding voice as you have.
Red-eyed allergy sufferer not really giving a shit about work today
The allergy-suffering reporter told reporters that they’d get his work whenever he was “good and goddamn ready” and stated his desire to be alone before pushing his co-workers out of his cubicle and moving a file cabinet in front of the door.
Lawn service assistant reportedly a little uneasy since boss implemented Casually Gay Fridays
Hector also said that he thought adding Casually Gay Fridays to the weekly docket seems “a little over the top” considering the small business had just added Homoerotic Wednesdays to the itinerary a little over a month ago.
Local fast food chain cashes in on ass-eating craze with ass-shaped buns
In addition to the Buttocks Burger and Buttocks Double-Meat Burger, Haunch’s also plans to offer a Buttocks Fish sandwich and a Chick n’ Butt sandwich.
Local mental health statute would make it illegal for women to own guns for one week out of every month
According to the statute, women would not be disarmed as a group, but on a rotating basis “with the exact dates to be determined on an individual basis.”
