Scatcast will make it easier to offer viewers enhanced, real-time spray charts, updated data on dribbler and bleeder speeds, and measure tons of other shit that no one ever thought to measure.
Sources: African-Americans running conspicuously late for Black History Month
“February is only 28 days long,” a source close to Black people lamented. “I hope no one was planning around showing up on the 30th.”
US shoots down Chinese spy balloons spotted over Israel
The large white balloons have been spotted elsewhere throughout the world, but nowhere that US intelligence deems as important a security risk as they are in Israel.
National Huffers Lobby says 6 states considering medicinal model airplane glue legislation
“Imagine a world where you can get safe, legal contact cement or spray duster on your parents’ medical insurance card until you’re 25.”
In lieu of cash, local man tips strippers with invites to team-building pizza party
“Make no mistake, I’d loved to have just given each of these dancers $5 — they’ve earned it! — but this was all that was in my budget at this difficult time.”
$57M government study concludes: Tom Brady footballed real good
“His fake-out move to sidestep Gisele Bündchen and advance Team Brady to the 2022 season was something to be marveled at,” one scientist stated.
Brown Valley Observer 