“If you’re very attentive, you’ll be able to note that I have a lot of kale in my diet,” Paltrow advised.
According to Dr, Randall Kirger, “It’s no longer an issue of believing in climate change or not, but instead a realization that hastening the end of human life could only benefit the planet. If I didn’t believe that the earth’s climate was warming at this point, I would invest the effort to find some way to make it do so.”
Did you know that Bill Clinton is a former president of the United States, an honor bestowed by the electorate upon only the most trusted and respected individuals? Are we suggesting that suddenly we just can’t trust U.S. presidents?
“I’ll remember from now on to keep Pfizer and Starbucks and Bank of America — companies I am confident have my best interests at heart — in my nightly prayers. God bless you, corporate sponsors!”
A panel of psychologists who’ve researched internet attention whoring have concluded that the average social media user will never miss the average of 3 “likes” that users get whenever that user is a C-cup or smaller.
Harper: “In the end, I’ve decided to honor other contractual obligations, obligations which led me to believe that it wouldn’t be in my best interest nor in the interests of the Nationals or the White House if I was in attendance.”