The incident report indicates that Moats was crying and shouting “They’re stealing my president, now they done took my damn toe!”
Trump issues posthumous pardon to Jeffrey Dahmer; “People Dahmer killed were not so great”
Trump: “Mr. Dahmer should have remained free under the same type of justifiable homicide defense that often exonerates our boys in blue.”
CNN prepping “Biden had a bigger inauguration crowd” report on off-chance that there aren’t massive casualties
“Just in case there aren’t militias blowing each other to smithereens and fires raging in the city well into the night, we’ll want to congratulate Joe Biden on the amazing crowd he has, which will certainly be much bigger than the Trump crowd.”
Georgia Trump supporter says he voted Biden 12,780 times “as a joke to test the system out”
A weedeater operations specialist from Bearslit says he “didn’t take the mail-in votes seriously” and claims he submitted thousands of ballots to prove his point.
20,000 US troops descend upon DC in anticipation of 2021 Toilet Paper Shortage Riots
“In a city that generates as much shit as DC, the toilet paper supply isn’t taken lightly,” one soldier told our reporter.
Melania Trump phone hack photos suggest affair with Virginia newsman, further clouding President’s future
A hacker posted a series of photos suggesting an illicit affair between Melania Trump and a man believed to be Virginia newsman Randall Everend.
