“February is only 28 days long,” a source close to Black people lamented. “I hope no one was planning around showing up on the 30th.”
In lieu of cash, local man tips strippers with invites to team-building pizza party
“Make no mistake, I’d loved to have just given each of these dancers $5 — they’ve earned it! — but this was all that was in my budget at this difficult time.”
Scientific poll dancer big hit at nerd convention
“The way she made the violent crime rate go from 0.84% to 0.21% in no way prepared me for the way she then made that exact same crime rate raise and lower at will for the next 16 bars of the accompanying music.”
Local person “so beyond pronouns”, now only using anti-nouns
Alicia, whose personal anti-nouns are sizzle and saunter, insists that saunter friends and classmates refer to saunter by saunter proper anti-nouns.
Local man reports 3 Doors Down tribute band not “Gateway to Cooze” he thought it would be
“The closest I’ve gotten to getting some tail was one night when our bassist Brad hugged me really hard when I was crying after one of the gigs.”
WTF? Those selfish assholes who got new syrup labels are suddenly expecting society to curb police brutality, too?
“I carried signs and shouted slogans, and after seeing someone doing it on TV, I found a black man and I washed his feet while pleading with him for forgiveness.
You’d think he’d say thank you, right?”