Harper took the news about Trout’s $430M deal better than expected, telling friends “I hope he has a blast, you know? Time of his fucking life! Brag to all his fucking California friends about that bullshit, you know?”
Rangers President Jon Daniels: “Let’s face it, even Mike Trout doesn’t have the drawing power of Big Sexy.”
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Commissioner Manfred: “I can’t imagine a better time than watching a lot of stellar, exciting, emotionally-charged advertising from Draft Kings, Taco Bell and Budweiser, and spacing it out with occasional images of players in tight fitting uniforms just kind of hanging out in a lush green field.”
MLB teams offered all sorts of amenities to acquire Harper’s services. For Phillies GM Matt Klentak, it was a family promise.
“Obviously, they will need to get here before they sell out,” manager Manahatma Mahatma announced via his Facebook page.