“Knowing that a star of Dinklage’s stature was going to be present ahead of time, we were able to put intel out in advance and net three of these dwarf-trafficking bastards,” said Chief Constable Hamilton. “Today we made it a little bit safer for a few little people.”
Having learned nothing from the Ben Affleck and George Clooney debacles, Warner Bros. and director Matt Reeves seem set to select talentless, pasty Robert Pattinson to play the caped crusader.
Reader Landon Leibowitz describes how 1970s star Crystal Gayle gave him a new appreciation for today’s country music singers.
“Some people are calling me a dark horse candidate, but I consider myself the black corpse candidate!” O’Rourke announced before throwing up devil horns and hissing at the confused bystanders.
The resilient comedian had previously survived a well documented koala attack in the early 1980s.
Warren: “I understand what it’s like to be rebellious, wild and free, taking tokes off the old peace pipe while ‘Happy to Be Stuck With You’ carries you off into the the type of psychedelic wonderland that only Huey Lewis & the News can carry you off to.”