A White House source reports that President Donald Trump is “winging it” today after sleeping through four alarms and missing Fox & Friends, generally considered the President’s morning briefing.
Embroiled in yet another scandal with impeachment buzz mounting, White House staffers worry that oversleeping was absolutely the most ill-advised thing Trump should have done today, while ceding that, in one’s words, “the day is still pretty young.”
“He considers himself a man of the people and wants to be informed specifically on topics that a well-informed public will be talking about today,” a White House staffer told the Brown Valley Observer about Trump’s penchant for watching Fox & Friends. “He says that approaching the day informed with minimal bias really helps his Twitter presence.”
“Missing the program really costs him the opportunity to be up on all the important issues facing the nation, such as who said something mean about the president that he might like to clap back about, what other politicians might have said that can be easily misinterpreted, and other things that a man of his stature and in his situation should be focused on,” the staffer said.
Aides reportedly offered the president a more traditional briefing, to which the President reportedly responded, “If your name isn’t Ainsley or Jillian I’m going to have to ask you politely to button your hole.”
“You’d think that missing the program might help his demeanor,” the staffer told the BVO. “But surprisingly, Fox and Friends just refines his anger. It helps him focus. It’s been troublesome in the past when he’s missed the program because he just sets out with his natural, unrefined anger and, well, anything can happen.”
At 10:59 am, minutes before this edition went to press, the President Tweeted, “I’m not sure who I’m supposed to be mad at this morning, but whoever the hell you are, fuck you.”
Brown Valley Observer 