“I’ll remember from now on to keep Pfizer and Starbucks and Bank of America — companies I am confident have my best interests at heart — in my nightly prayers. God bless you, corporate sponsors!”
Tag: humor
Report: you can vote without posting a pic of your “I voted” sticker, you virtue-signaling asshole
A panel of psychologists who’ve researched internet attention whoring have concluded that the average social media user will never miss the average of 3 “likes” that users get whenever that user is a C-cup or smaller.
Bryce Harper says he will not attend White House ceremony for World Series champ Washington Nationals
Harper: “In the end, I’ve decided to honor other contractual obligations, obligations which led me to believe that it wouldn’t be in my best interest nor in the interests of the Nationals or the White House if I was in attendance.”
Coach Jimmy Dugan asks for interview with Cubs; “I can handle a team of chicks”
“If you need someone who can whip a team of housewives into shape, I’m your man,” the former manager said in one of a series of Tweets addressed to Epstein.
President Trump growing increasingly wary of man hiding behind flag in Oval Office
President Trump: “There’s something not entirely right about it, but my staff keeps reassuring me that the man is as trustworthy as they are.”
After sleeping through “Fox & Friends”, Trump pretty much just going to have to just wing it through today
A White House source says President Trump is “winging it” today after sleeping through four alarms and missing “Fox & Friends”, generally considered the President’s morning briefing.
