Harper took the news about Trout’s $430M deal better than expected, telling friends “I hope he has a blast, you know? Time of his fucking life! Brag to all his fucking California friends about that bullshit, you know?”
Tag: satire
Bartolo Colon reportedly seeking $450M deal to challenge Mike Trout’s record
Rangers President Jon Daniels: “Let’s face it, even Mike Trout doesn’t have the drawing power of Big Sexy.”
Ron Jeremy penis reduction surgery? Star says “I can get by in porn on my looks alone”
According to an industry insider and close friend of the star, adult movie actor Ron Jeremy has decided to undergo penis reduction surgery. Considered the
Flight recorders: Is it racist to call them “black boxes”? Or sexist? Or both?
Dr. Randall Kirger presented his revolutionary paper, ‘OMG it’s 2019 Can We Stop Calling These Things Black Boxes Already?’ March 16 at Flouter Hall.
Totally rad! Beto O’Rourke says he was hip teenage chronic masturbator just like you, young voters!
“I was doing my own bed laundry by the time I was 14,” O’Rourke almost-perfectly quipped at a rally in Iowa, connecting himself with young voters.
New penis-measuring rulers to account for the two inches that isn’t showing
The new Birdie 3000 penis-measuring rulers are designed to account for the two inches of penis that people can’t see, but that every guy totally knows is there.
