BROWN VALLEY, Virgina – Landscape assistant Hector Salgado revealed to friends this week that he’s “at least a little uneasy” with his employer’s recent implementation of Casually Gay Fridays.
Salgado has been employed by B.V. Landscaping for 4 months. Prior to taking the position, he had been taking on spotty jobs modeling blue jeans and Spandex-style wear for local retailers. He reports that last Friday — the first Casually Gay Friday — his boss Larry “Lance” Tramble spent the day casually propositioning him for sex.
“Maybe I just didn’t know everything the lawn care profession entailed, but this seems a little bit more sexual than I was thinking.”
Salgado says he understands the importance of morale boosting programs in the workplace, but feels that this particular approach is out of place in a two-man operation.
“A $100 bonus goes a long way to boosting morale. I mean, getting offered a knee-buckling blowjob can boost morale, too, but I don’t think that’s what we should be doing behind Mrs. Lewis’ greenhouse — where she keeps her compost — or even how we should be using our time at all,” Salgado insisted, adding, “and no, it doesn’t make it any cuter when he calls it ‘weedeating’ or ‘blowing off’.”
Hector also admitted that he thought adding Casually Gay Fridays to the weekly docket seems “a little over the top” considering that the small business had just added Homoerotic Wednesdays to the itinerary a little over a month ago.
“Maybe Lance got the wrong message when I went along with all those fist bumps and high fives and buttocks slaps. I don’t know what to think anymore.”
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