Actor and producer David Hasselhoff says he’s hoping to reboot “Knight Rider”, the series that helped establish Hasselhoff as a household name and television icon.
But how far is “The Hoff” willing to go to get the project underfoot?
“Apparently, not very far,” says K.I.T.T.
K.I.T.T., the custom 1982 Pontiac Firebird Trans-Am best known for his eponymous role in the original 1982-1986 NBC series, says he hasn’t heard a word about the project from Hasselhoff, whom he still affectionately refers to as “Michael”.
“It’s devastating. I’m equipped with a state-of-the-art fax modem, I’m quite certain I didn’t miss the call,” reports K.I.T.T.. The custom LED light mounted just below his hood paced impatiently as he spoke.
“I don’t know what Michael is waiting for. I’ve driven across the ocean for the man, I’ve plowed through hot lava for him, and this is the thanks I get? I know all the jumps. I know all the snappy patter. I even how to compensate for his miserable timing. We worked brilliantly together. Certainly Michael can’t think there’s an actor out there better equipped to play the Knight Industries 2000 than … well, me. I was practically made for the part. I know the role like the back of my manifold.”
According to K.I.T.T., the call and the role would make a big difference. He says that working gigs have been sparse the past few years. His most recent job — playing an aging Volvo that gets into a fender-bender on an insurance commercial — in his own words “wasn’t the best paying gig”. Years of excess as an eligible bachelor took their toll on his finances in the early 1990s. These days, K.I.T.T. is living shrinking royalty check to shrinking royalty check. He reluctantly admits he has past-due bills “coming out of (his) muffler.”
“I’ve been sitting in park for a while,” the car confessed. “But, as my voice modulator clearly indicates, I was equipped with a futuristic lithium-based self-charging battery and I can essentially go indefinitely. Perhaps Bonnie might need to massage a belt or two, but I could go at a moment’s notice. There’s still plenty of turbo left in the old turbo boost, if you know what I mean. There’s really no need to replace me.”
Hasselhoff apparently has other ideas. During a recent interview, he indicated that he had no intention of bringing K.I.T.T. back to reprise his role as K.I.T.T., favoring a more “advanced” model.
“I’ve told K.I.T.T. in the past that we’re going to look for a newer model for any future projects, same as we told him 2008,” said Hasselhoff. “I heard an interview where now K.I.T.T. insists he can play a 2015 Ferrari. It’s like, dude … come on, really? You don’t have the range, and no one’s going to buy it. You haven’t even updated your system to Windows, for Christ’s sake. You’re yesterday’s news, pal. Today’s audience isn’t looking for anything in an MS-DOS model.”
Hasselhoff said that he’s tried to keep in contact with the car over the years, but says he’s soured on the relationship over time, and says he finds K.I.T.T. to be “kind of a downer lately.”
“Look, I’ve suggested to K.I.T.T. on more than a few occasions that maybe he should get himself out a little. Go on the convention tour, sign some autographs, something like that. And of course he always says, ‘Not without you, Michael.’ He’s content to wallow in his own misery.
“And that’s another thing! Stop calling me Michael! My name is David! It’s all kind of sad, really. Maybe even a little pathetic. I really don’t have anything to say to him at this point.”
K.I.T.T. isn’t giving up hope.
“I know I’m the best car for the job. They’ll see when they’re out doing endless auditions and end up with some inferior late model car who can hardly recite my lines. Remember 2008? Michael knows where to find me, and when the phone rings, I’m answering it, ‘Right away Michael.’ Just like old times. It’s pretty much ingrained into my programming at this point.”
Brown Valley Observer 