Soiled adult diaper from Biden’s Vatican visit expected to fetch $5M from undisclosed buyer at auction

A soiled adult diaper reportedly recovered from a Vatican bathroom during a recent visit from US President Joe Biden is expected to fetch up to $5 million at auction, Brown’s Auction House in Culvert, Virginia reports.
Little is known about the diaper, aside from the claim that it came from the Vatican during the president’s visit. Visitors have not been allowed to handle the diaper nor view it publicly, and must file a financial disclosure in order to view it privately. Regardless, the diaper is being considered a presidential artifact and has been described as “mythological” by some who recognize the modern artifact as the key to proving or altogether discrediting one of America’s weirdest recent conspiracy theories. The behind-the-door buzz has appraisers suggesting that the price of this one is really going to soar.

This spot was reserved for a picture of the world’s most valuable dirty diaper, but we were declined access to the artifact after our reporter submitted a financial disclosure.

“There have been an awful lot of people poking around with questions about this (diaper), and I’ve heard numbers like $2 million and I’ve heard numbers like $6 million, so its hard to say just where it will end up” Brown’s proprietor and auctioneer Randall Everend told our reporter, describing a number of visits from representatives of prospective bidders. Everend told our reporter that he has met no bidders, only their representatives.
“Not that I could say if I did know, but I have not been informed of the bidders’ identities from any of their representatives,” Everend offered, describing such circumstance as “a little unusual, but not unheard of.”
Asked for an expanded lot detail, Everend did not have much to offer.
“It is, well, just what it is. It’s a diaper. I don’t have any poop to dish on it other than the poop that’s already been dished on it. The consigner is from the greater Washington area, but other than that, at the request of the consigner, we’re really not at liberty to divulge the seller’s information. Nor will we be at liberty to divulge the buyers’ information when that time comes, unless the buyer wishes to be formally recognized,” Everend told our reporters.
Recent buyers of high-end Biden-related memorabilia have largely chosen to not be recognized, and that trend is expected to continue with the auction of the alleged Biden diaper. The White House has denied conservative conspiracists who believe that past undisclosed high-bidders were purchasing access to the president or other key Democratic officials.
During an on-site interview, one White House staffer openly scoffed at the notion that Democrats sell access at the auction block, telling the Brown Valley Observer about the buyers’ anonymity: “We all have social media, we all know that no one shows off the cool or unusual stuff they buy. People, especially wealthy socialites, are very secretive, it’s hard to get a word out of anyone these days. That’s all that’s going on here. Now, please disperse immediately. Don’t let this get ugly again.”
Jill St. Jillberry, a private presidential collector from Muff’s Mound, Virginia, told our team that reports that the diaper could sell for millions is “convincing evidence that, for whatever unknowable reason, you can find someone to pay millions for any piece of shit associated with the Bidens.”

One comment

  1. Stellar reporting. I can’t text while sittin’ on the shitter. So, most of my really good ideas get flushed.
    Is New Zealand taxin’ the carbon emittin’ from the Biden Vatican Diaper?
    Also, Some Flag-wavin’ Floridian said something to the effect “…let’s BURY that Vatican diaper November 8th…”. You know anything about something that $VALUABLE bein’ buried?
    You’d figure something with keepsake value like that would have to be $taxed high. You think New Zealand would let US bury IT on their island?
    What kind of Carbon is coming oFf this diaper? Has equipment been invented to measure the amount of carbon comin’ oFf IT? Can it be hermetically sealed? It’s a tickin’ time bomb. Can it be kryogenically frozen to offset It’s dirty carbon footprint?
    Please Keep Your nose pressed uP against this story!


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