Researchers at Culvert Community College released a study this week that explains how the fear of clowns can be easily overcome by simply sucking one off.
“Pulling down a clowns baggy trousers and revealing his already half-rigid member and gently tugging it to full erection and giving his balls a firm squeeze before accepting his penis into your warm, ready mouth is a very humanizing experience,” explained Randall Kirger, a Culvert professor who is considered one of the world’s leading experts on jester psychology.
“The face paint and the extreme characteristics of the clown make it seem less human, and that visual generates a fear which is initially seen in children. Children have an almost innate aversion to physical difference — which is why we should socialize them frequently — so children are likely be frightened by the clown’s bizarre features. A child will often maintain this fear until it is told by its parent or guardian that the clown is a person in a costume, after which the child is put at ease. In recent generations, thanks in part to clowns’ media portrayals, the parents are no longer soothing this fear, and this humanizing moment isn’t happening. This has led to a real explosion in coulrophobia (the fear of clowns) over the past three to four decades.”
Kirger says that, for many, the only way to humanize the clown is to create that humanizing moment for themselves.
“By flicking your tongue over the tip of the clown’s throbbing penis before taking it fully into your mouth and massaging the bottom of his thick, veiny cock with your warm tongue, you get to see the clown at it’s weakest moment. You’ll actually feel the clown momentarily give in to you completely as he shudders with orgasm, and at last you’ll recognize that the clown ejaculates only a tablespoon or so of cum, just like every other man you’ve allowed into your orifices. it is then that you can realize that it’s just another person, not some weird demon out of a Clive Barker novel.”
“The more times you do this, the more you’ll come to realize that clowns are just people, like you and me. Over time and by repeating these experiences, the coulrophobia will gradually subside, granting that none of the clowns you suck off is a some kind of deviant who chokes you out and feasts upon your rotting corpse over the course of weeks, but I think that goes without saying,” Kirger explained.
Kirger hopes this research can be useful to psychologists across the nation, and is available for lectures on the subject by persons contacting the Culvert Community College Help Desk. He can also be seen performing two weeks each year in August at the Culvert Regional Circus off of US-42.