The United States passed the ceremonial Boot on January 20, allowing Democrats the privilege of licking the same long-cherished symbol of American authoritarianism that Republicans have enjoyed licking for the past 4 years.
“Just in case there aren’t militias blowing each other to smithereens and fires raging in the city well into the night, we’ll want to congratulate Joe Biden on the amazing crowd he has, which will certainly be much bigger than the Trump crowd.”
A weedeater operations specialist from Bearslit says he “didn’t take the mail-in votes seriously” and claims he submitted thousands of ballots to prove his point.
“In a city that generates as much shit as DC, the toilet paper supply isn’t taken lightly,” one soldier told our reporter.
An appraisal business reportedly financed by Hunter Biden estimates that the total value of items to be hidden by White House staff is over $2.3 million at auction.
The shooting puts a damper on the time-honored American tradition of offering tours of federal buildings to peaceful protest demonstrators.