In the closing hours of the 2021 California recall election, Governor Gavin Newsom showed his dedication to the state by fondling the balls on the state flag’s grizzly bear at a campaign event.
“I love this bear!” Newsom exclaimed loudly while cootchie-cooing the area where the fabric bear’s penis, balls, and butthole might be. “I have had this bear inside of me for a long time, and I only hope I can be inside of it the way it has been inside of me!”
The flag and its bear, Monarch, were unavailable for comment.
Republican Larry Elder, who hopes to unseat Newsom in the recall, said he felt that Newsom’s actions were an “undignified attempt at last minute pandering”, although Elder admitted that he couldn’t think of anything more definitively American than grabbing a grizzly bear by the gooch.