Trump recommends Osteen for Secretary of National Christian Affairs

Reiterating his stance that the United States is “a Christian nation” that’s “going to start acting like a Christian nation”, president-elect Donald Trump rounded out a flurry of cabinet recommendations Wednesday by selecting Houston pastor Joel Osteen to serve as the United States Secretary of National Christian Affairs.
“I think this pick was obvious,” Trump indicated. “Joel is more than a fantastic inspirational speaker — and he’s great, truly inspirational stuff — but he’s also a fantastic businessman, and those are the kinds of people that we need right now.”
Osteen, immediately recognizable to millions of Christians in the US and abroad, is the 53 year old Senior Pastor at Lakewood, a now-famous Houston megachurch that holds televised services from inside the former Compaq center, one-time home to the NBA’s Houston Rockets. While Osteen is often scrutinized for his lavish home and personal wealth, he has not collected a salary from Lakewood for several years, with his wealth attributed largely to seven New York Times bestselling inspirational books.
“We’re a Christian nation, and we’re going to start acting like a Christian nation,” Trump promised.
While the appointment is mostly symbolic — there is currently no physical Department of National Christian Affairs — and the post has stood vacant for nearly three decades, the president-elect sees it as a way to restore faith in traditional American values and strengthen the standings of both Protestant and Catholic churches in the US.
“Who better than Joel?” Trump wondered aloud during a press briefing. “I’ve turned to his books a dozen times for advice over the past decade or so. I can’t think of a better person to advise me and the American people on Christian messaging. I mean, if we’re going to do it, we need to do it right. Joel has proved his ability to spread the word of God and to attract lots of donors. Have you seen this guy’s books? He’s really raking it in for Lakewood.”
Osteen has yet to agree to accept the position, but if he does, every indication is that he will be confirmed to become the first Secretary of National Christian Affairs since Ronald Reagan appointed Lawrence Tureaud during his second term.
“Getting away from God, that’s one of the biggest mistakes America ever made. So, we’re earmarking some money in the upcoming budget to repair our crumbling church infrastructure,” reported Trump.
Moving forward with Christian agenda will be touch-and-go, as much of his opposition comes from people whose beliefs are firmly rooted in separation of church and state. The president-elect sounded largely unconcerned about the impending controversy.
“I plan to have Joel lead us in a prayer before every press conference. Reagan didn’t do that with his appointment,” Trump stated among a brief list of duties that he hoped the appointed Secretary will carry out.
“Maybe the American people will hate it, who knows? We expect some people to be upset, but we also know that you can’t make an omelet without breaking some eggs. We’re going to do what America needs to do. We’re get some Bibles and some missionaries, and we’re going to make Christianity great again.”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.