“If years as a member of countless online social justice movements has taught me anything, it’s that you get a lot done by slandering people, even people entirely uninvolved in the decision making process and who may be directly and painfully affected by these laws.”
Alex Jones now believes that introducing “really hot lady frogs” into the ecosystem may be exactly what is needed to combat the effects of atrazine, a chemical known to cause coupling among male frogs.
“What can we say? We’re people pleasers” a Facebook spokesman said.
The President made claims about the effects Funyuns consumption has on the male anatomy that left many followers feeling “awkward”.
“There must be something there that not one reasonable human being is seeing.”
“I’m just glad I turned out OK” concluded Moats, who claims he grew up loving the cereal.