“When I said that I opposed gun control measures, I couldn’t have been more clear: I meant that I did not want Democrats enforcing them.”
Eating store-brand pizza gives man store-brand diarrhea
A local resident reports that eating a pizza purchased from Clunge Valley Grocery has resulted in a “nasty case of store-brand diarrhea”.
Trump comes unhinged in series of tweets about Funyuns
The President made claims about the effects Funyuns consumption has on the male anatomy that left many followers feeling “awkward”.
PGA announces new pace-of-play measures to include souped-up race carts
Professional Golfer’s Association President Paul Levy announced new pace-of-play initiatives for the golfing tour’s 2018-19 schedule, including reduced time at the tee for shots to
Chrysophobia: SPLC reports the rise of “Orange Hate” in America
The SPLC reports growth of 20% in hate groups since 2014, with chrysophobic groups like Stop Trump and The John Cena Fan Club showing the most rapid growth.
Pink Floyd to release box set based around “Goonie Goo Goo” or whatever the hell that album is called
The box set is scheduled to include a Roger Waters demo comprised of 171 consecutive minutes of some screeching sound.