Chrysophobia: SPLC reports the rise of “Orange Hate” in America

The Southern Poverty Law Center (SPLC) announced yesterday that chrysophobia, or hatred of orange people, is on a rapid rise in the US.
The Center released reports detailing an overall growth of 20% in hate groups since 2014, with chrysophobic groups like Stop Trump and The John Cena Fan Club showing the most rapid growth.
The SPLC indicated that strong language from liberal groups associated with the Democratic Party and leaders like Hillary Clinton as well as “degrading” media coverage of orange celebrities have likely led to the rise of what the advocacy group is now calling “Orange Hate”.
“The Cena Fan Club is straight bonkers with chrysophobes” reported an informant who chose to only be identified as Sandy Morton for this interview. “I mean, all the nationalistic imaging and lingo associated with that camp is one thing, but it goes a lot deeper.”

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Known to us only as “Sandy Morton”, one informant decided to keep his identity hidden before reporting on the Cena Fan Club.

“They hate that Hulk Hogan will always be so closely associated with the rise of WWE, the group Cena depends on to maintain a strong influence over rural American attitudes. I’ve seen them shred Hogan posters and light his figures on fire, call him orange skinned this, big orange … you know, whatever. They’re sick, sick people,” Morton stated.
In addition to Stop Trump and the Cena group, the Southern Poverty Law Center named numerous other organizations as chrysophobic or Orange Hate groups. Among them are at least four community organizational groups as well as the Southern Poverty Law Center.

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Is the eclipse racist?

You have the afternoon off work. You’ve special glasses to protect your eyes. You’ve locked the kids inside. You’re all ready for the 2017 North American solar eclipse … but there’s still that one burning question.

Is it racist?

Certainly these are trying times, and the world is coming to grips with a lot of social issues, so it’s fair to wonder the racial implications of watching an eclipse.
The answer is not quite so easy.
An eclipse is a natural celestial occurrence, and lacking emotion, an eclipse cannot be racist, or even indirectly racial.
However, with one round object (the moon) moving in front of another round object (the sun) and blocking its light, washing the world beneath it in a momentary monochromatic display, eclipses have been celebrated for years by racial supremacists, segregationists, and separatists.
“It’s really beautiful to watch all the colors become one in the middle of day, when our light should be brightest,” said Phil Silbarr, a noted astronomer and occasional rally racist. “Generations of racists from all backgrounds have looked forward to eclipses as a momentary glimpse into the world as they’d like for it to be seen.”
“In total, or even near-total state, the prominence of the sun around the rim of the moon creates a halo effect. This really adds to the religious significance that many race-motivated groups are looking for. Everything is one color and there is a halo in the sky. It speaks to these people, tells them that this moment is preordained by God, which is just what they want to hear.”
Silbarr pointed to an eclipse over North America in the early 19th century. “Most of the people who watched that would have been generally racist, or at least holding a much different view than the modern world, or even myself, have about race.”
Asked if he believed that watching eclipses is racist, in practice, Philbarr replied, “The evidence says that it’s not necessarily so, but the odds are remarkably good that your desire to watch the eclipse is seeded from some deeply ingrained dislike or distrust of, you know … whomever you know to be inferior.”
“You’ll be watching this eclipse with racists. You’ll be supporting what they’re doing, which is essentially saying you condone it. I think it’s important that you know this. You’ll be participating in a silent ceremony that has been long heralded and held in ardor by everything from garden variety racists to all out separatists and supremacists. Celestial bodies aren’t racist, but — and the numbers back me up here — if you’ve gone to all the trouble, you’re probably a racist for watching the eclipse.”

Is Your Cat Racist? Here’s How to Find Out

According to an article published this week on the CNN website, America’s feline community is experiencing a swell in racism and other feelings of general resentment.
The poll, released Tuesday, concluded that 100% of cats who identify as having conservative beliefs also harbor feelings of deep hatred towards minority communities, and could reasonably be classified as traditionally racist or neo-fascist.
The same poll, however, found that many of their human counterparts were oblivious to the bitterness and hate what their furry friends are feeling, leaving many to ponder: how exactly does one determine whether or not his pet is harboring ideological hate?
Trigger Alert enlisted the assistance of Opal Ford, a noted cat psychologist who recently published Feline Sociology: What Cats Do When Their Humans Are Absent — which has a chapter on feline racism —to help our readers better determine whether or not their cat is secretly hoping for “Gray Tabby Only” public drinking fountains.
Here is a bullet list of five things Ms. Ford suggested you could look for:

Is your cat’s fur usually white or orange?
White and orange are the preferred colors for cats to wear to communicate with other cats that they are united in opposition to race-mixing or integration. Some cats are also known to wear speed-lace military boots or red suspenders or to even shave the tops of their heads to communicate that they desire to seek out other racist cats in order to perform hate crimes.
Does your cat enjoy eating food from cans?
Your little bundle may be experiencing the delusion that he is enlisted with the Third Reich or a similar military regiment, eating from a knapsack and preparing to invade Poland.
Does your cat occasionally bury brown things in dirt, sand, or litter?
The Ku Klux Klan reports that pet membership is on the rise. Your cat may be pretending he is in a heavily wooded area recreating a ritual Klan burial. In fact, many cats have been known to sleep all day and then rise and become active in the evening and nighttime hours, which is traditionally the schedule upon which the Klan burns crosses on the lawns of those to whom they are ideologically or biologically opposed.
Does your cat occasionally go on rants about the extermination of the Jewish people, or rationalize the benefits of Adolf Hitler’s tenure of power?
He may just seem well read, but this is sometimes an indication of your cat developing an growing unease with Semitic people.
Did you register your cat to vote as a Democrat but he or she still voted for Donald Trump?
That fucking cat is definitely racist as shit! Anti-fa will be at your house in no time to smoke him out of your basement and flog him.

Facebook activist combats racism by telling everyone what pieces of crap white people are

Sick of racial attitudes in America, Facebook activist Tanner Nichols has now reposted over 100 articles and links on the social network to let all of his friends know what absolute pieces of crap white people are.
Nichols, a 25 year old Caucasian barista from Port Orchard, Washington, first became aware of black people in 2012, and recently became concerned about them again.
“Black people in America have a very distinct history. They’re a beautiful people who should be revered and fawned over like kittens,” said Nichols. “It’s disgusting how the filthy white racists have chosen a path of microaggressions and total intolerance. White people are the most disgusting group in the world, wallowing in their own ignorance.”
“Racism is a distinctly white problem as it relates to force upon others,” Nichols continued. “It’s an attitude of hatred held by white people towards people with superior skin pigmentation, and no amount of shaming and humiliation tactics will change this iron-clad fact.”
Tanner, whose parents Phil and Margery own a popular lampshade gallery in Seattle, has formed a small collective of like-minded friends to discuss race issues.
“It’s great. I made a Facebook group that encourages speaking out against white people and white attitudes. We have members from Washington, Oregon, Colorado, Maine, and Vermont so far, all ready to embrace the beauty of black and other ethnic cultures and to tell the white man that his mind must change or his time on planet Earth must end.”
Nichols has been moderating the group since July 2016, and is now shifting his focus towards organizational efforts.
“So far, we mostly chat on Facebook, although I have been trying to get some of the group together at a local Starbucks. I think that would be a beautiful thing, to have group meetings where we could sip Pike’s Place without cream and brainstorm ways to let other white people know that, as a race, they’re destroying civilization with their egocentrism. To think that you should squander a moment caring about your own privileged is selfish.”
Nichols’ group, which he has sourced by adding friends he finds in Occupy Democrats and Salon comment threads, has surpassed 80 members, which Nichols sees as a success.
“Right now, we’re just 84 men and women with sweater vests, facial hair, and an idea, but every idea has to start somewhere. We have room to grow, and we simply must. That is why my group moderation model is one that embraces diversity. Diversity in ideas is important so long as it those ideas are the consensus. In fact, we had a beautiful individual of African heritage in the group for a few days just a couple of weeks ago. We were all pretty proud of that. Everyone told him in every way imaginable how much we loved him and how much we identified with his plight. We apologized for other white people and we apologized for ourĀ  own privilege. I even sent him $280 on Paypal just as a token of good faith, a few others gave too, although he deserves so much more in terms of reparations. I think his social account got deleted, though, because I can’t track him down. It’s probably the work of some sick white racist asshole trying to hold that poor soul down, and it has to stop!”
“I’m just trying to create some kind of sanctuary, you know? Some little space where its safe for people of color to come and congregate and see that there are a few rare decent white people like myself, a place where they can feel safe to speak with us, vote with us, ask us questions, condemn our skin and the inherent privilege that comes with it, or maybe even vote in accord with us.”
Nichols admits that it’s difficult for one person to reverse an attitude that he sees as universal, but it’s a weight he’s been willing to carry for now.
“Of course, it’s a huge task, letting white people know that everything they’ve been, everything they are, everything they stand for and represent is so awful and intolerable. And that’s a hard reality for many of them to face. They seem reticent to embrace the idea that they are the root cause of every problem in the world. This wickedness is born into them, and it will take a lot to change the institutionalized attitudes and to reverse years of brainwashing they’ve received about particular groups. But I signed up for this, this is a task I am up for.”
Asked how many minds he needs to mend, Nichols answered without hesitation.
“Conservatively? I’d say it’s 99% or more. Almost every single one of them.
“Except for me and my friends. We’re the only ones who aren’t racist. Our attitude is perfect.”

Caving to PC, Trump suggests new “correct” racial identifiers

During a videotaped statement originally aired on CBN on Saturday, president-elect Donald Trump suggested “more correct” racial and social identifiers that could be used to help bridge the divisions that many feel have become evident in recent years.
The representative statement is the first time that an elected president has established a tone for social identifiers. Until now, accepted identifiers have generally been left to public opinion.
Pundits immediately took to the airwaves and suggested that this was a new twist on political correctness.
“This is the new PC,” suggested MSNBC’s Chris Matthews. “If Trump carries this identifiers thing through into his presidency, that’s the very height of political correctness, the very PC that Trump blared on and on about during his campaign. If he puts these things through as some sort of edict or executive order, then thats it, that’s the government’s seal of a approval, seal it with a kiss, because if you say something else they’re slamming you in a cell for being an extremist.”
In the taped speech, which ran just over 19 minutes, Trump offered new identifiers for several key US demographics, as well as rationales for each identifier, which overwhelmingly equated to community pride.
The segment of the speech concerning new identifiers for black Americans ran almost 4 minutes and was aired throughout the afternoon cable news programs, receiving mixed reviews.

The text of this segment ran as follows:

Look at the oppression our black community endures simply by being called black. Black is a horrible color, a simply terrifying color. What an ugly, putrid color. This is a word that conjures up the most negative stuff, apprehension, just sleazy, dirty, bad stuff. It’s frightening, just very frightening stuff. And look at all the things people have called them over the years. African Americans, blacks, coloreds, negroes, spades, spooks, big-lips, and a few others that it probably wouldn’t be polite to mention. It’s no wonder these communities are a mess, let me tell you. And people are coming up to me and they’re saying “We need one more-correct term to help bind the community.” Seriously this is the kind of thing that people just come up to me and say. And you know what? They’re smart, smart people. Very intelligent.
I’m not even sure what the correct term is these days. Blacks? African Americans? I’ve been hearing some people say, uh, superpredators? I don’t know that any of these binds these communities. They’ve been here for years, they’re no more African than Dave Matthews or Charlize Theron. Get over it! Africa isn’t the only place where dark-skinned people originate from, and it would be prejudiced, perhaps even racist, to suggest that’s where they’re all from or where you can ship them all back to. America should not stand for racism.
That’s why I think, and I would be willing to, you know, sign for this or whatever, but I think that if we want to identify the community with something that binds the community, I’m of the opinion that we should start embracing them as Basketball Americans.
I ran this by Steve Bannon, and he thinks it’s brilliant.

After suggesting the new name for the Basketball American community, Trump went on to suggest new names for the gay community (Fabulous Americans), people of Middle Eastern descent (Sand People), the little people community (Munchkinland Americans), as well as Calculator People, Gardener Americans, Nintendo Americans, and Those Guys With the Puka Shell Necklaces.

Public reactions
As well as the cable news attention, people took to the internet to offer their opinions on the president-elects suggestions.
“What about when I don’t feel fabulous?” Fabulous American Ray Forsythe wondered in a Twitter post.
“What the fuck? What the actual fuck?” observed Basketball American La’Quan Jefferson on a viral posting which circulated on Facebook.
“I kind of like it,” said Konstantinos Kostas, a puka shell necklace salesman from Redondo Beach.
“Wooo wooo! Get on and ride the Trump Train baby! This train is going places!” posted Superior American Phil McFerrin, just above a photo of a lynching.