President Trump: “There’s something not entirely right about it, but my staff keeps reassuring me that the man is as trustworthy as they are.”
A White House source says President Trump is “winging it” today after sleeping through four alarms and missing “Fox & Friends”, generally considered the President’s morning briefing.
Trudeau says he is deeply embarrassed by the photos, which “regrettably” depict the Prime Minister dressed and behaving like a white man with normal testosterone levels.
I’m not saying it’s you. I’m just saying that this person looks exactly like you, has the same insightful opinions, the same infectious sense of humor, and the same pleasant sounding voice as you have.
“If years as a member of countless online social justice movements has taught me anything, it’s that you get a lot done by slandering people, even people entirely uninvolved in the decision making process and who may be directly and painfully affected by these laws.”
“Some people are calling me a dark horse candidate, but I consider myself the black corpse candidate!” O’Rourke announced before throwing up devil horns and hissing at the confused bystanders.