“Imagine a world where you can get safe, legal contact cement or spray duster on your parents’ medical insurance card until you’re 25.”
In lieu of cash, local man tips strippers with invites to team-building pizza party
“Make no mistake, I’d loved to have just given each of these dancers $5 — they’ve earned it! — but this was all that was in my budget at this difficult time.”
Report: you can vote without posting a pic of your “I voted” sticker, you virtue-signaling asshole
A panel of psychologists who’ve researched internet attention whoring have concluded that the average social media user will never miss the average of 3 “likes” that users get whenever that user is a C-cup or smaller.
Bryce Harper says he will not attend White House ceremony for World Series champ Washington Nationals
Harper: “In the end, I’ve decided to honor other contractual obligations, obligations which led me to believe that it wouldn’t be in my best interest nor in the interests of the Nationals or the White House if I was in attendance.”
Coach Jimmy Dugan asks for interview with Cubs; “I can handle a team of chicks”
“If you need someone who can whip a team of housewives into shape, I’m your man,” the former manager said in one of a series of Tweets addressed to Epstein.
After sleeping through “Fox & Friends”, Trump pretty much just going to have to just wing it through today
A White House source says President Trump is “winging it” today after sleeping through four alarms and missing “Fox & Friends”, generally considered the President’s morning briefing.