Alex Jones now believes that introducing “really hot lady frogs” into the ecosystem may be exactly what is needed to combat the effects of atrazine, a chemical known to cause coupling among male frogs.
In a session that lasted only 22 minutes, the wild-eyed and unkempt council members approved Amendment 306: Provide the Raddest Fucking Laser Fireworks Show Ever by a vote of 13-0.
Harvard scientist: “Most fads fade, but dabbing has been persistent because dabbing is malleable. You can make your own variation of the pose, and it works so long as you still look like an asshole.”
Harper took the news about Trout’s $430M deal better than expected, telling friends “I hope he has a blast, you know? Time of his fucking life! Brag to all his fucking California friends about that bullshit, you know?”
Rangers President Jon Daniels: “Let’s face it, even Mike Trout doesn’t have the drawing power of Big Sexy.”
According to an industry insider and close friend of the star, adult movie actor Ron Jeremy has decided to undergo penis reduction surgery. Considered the