A panel of psychologists who’ve researched internet attention whoring have concluded that the average social media user will never miss the average of 3 “likes” that users get whenever that user is a C-cup or smaller.
Alex Jones now believes that introducing “really hot lady frogs” into the ecosystem may be exactly what is needed to combat the effects of atrazine, a chemical known to cause coupling among male frogs.
Alex’s new personal accounts appear under the names Schmalex Chones, Dallex Dones, and Olive Obama. He reports that his new Facebook page — Schminfowars — will be up and running by later today.
While Facebook repeats “we’re not becoming a pay site, and all current Facebook amenities will remain available for free”, Facebook Features will add bonus pay options in 2020.
The email explains that interested people could receive a starter kit for “usually less than $100” and could start helping the campaign — and securing their own retirement — right away.
“What can we say? We’re people pleasers” a Facebook spokesman said.