“Knowing that a star of Dinklage’s stature was going to be present ahead of time, we were able to put intel out in advance and net three of these dwarf-trafficking bastards,” said Chief Constable Hamilton. “Today we made it a little bit safer for a few little people.”
Reader Landon Leibowitz describes how 1970s star Crystal Gayle gave him a new appreciation for today’s country music singers.
“Joey is an asset to the entertainment universe,” Biden told reporters. “Its time we bound together and told DC Comics and Hollywood that as far as Batman goes, ‘it’s either Joey Time or its a no from me, dawg.'”
Alex’s new personal accounts appear under the names Schmalex Chones, Dallex Dones, and Olive Obama. He reports that his new Facebook page — Schminfowars — will be up and running by later today.
“Some things have been done, and some things have been said, and some people have started saying I’m low class,” the performer lamented to the crowd.
“Well, I’m here to prove to my haters that I’m not Low Class Snowbama, I’m at least Middle Class Snowbama.”
Harvard scientist: “Most fads fade, but dabbing has been persistent because dabbing is malleable. You can make your own variation of the pose, and it works so long as you still look like an asshole.”