“I’ll remember from now on to keep Pfizer and Starbucks and Bank of America — companies I am confident have my best interests at heart — in my nightly prayers. God bless you, corporate sponsors!”
Tag: Election
Report: you can vote without posting a pic of your “I voted” sticker, you virtue-signaling asshole
A panel of psychologists who’ve researched internet attention whoring have concluded that the average social media user will never miss the average of 3 “likes” that users get whenever that user is a C-cup or smaller.
I swear I’m not pandering: I dream about making love to someone exactly like you. Vote Brick in ’19!
I’m not saying it’s you. I’m just saying that this person looks exactly like you, has the same insightful opinions, the same infectious sense of humor, and the same pleasant sounding voice as you have.
Report: Prior to entering race, campaign advised Joe Biden against wearing a “molestache”
“Joe really lacked self-awareness on the issue,” said a campaign staffer.
Snowbama opens nostalgic “12 Inches of Snowbama” tour in Pittsburgh
“Some things have been done, and some things have been said, and some people have started saying I’m low class,” the performer lamented to the crowd.
“Well, I’m here to prove to my haters that I’m not Low Class Snowbama, I’m at least Middle Class Snowbama.”
5 ways Joe Biden can beat Trump in 2020
2) Joe could get the DNC to pay Russians to prepare a dossier revealing dirty and embarrassing details against Trump and further throw shade on the possibility that Trump colluded with Russians.
