With the 2019 MLB season behind us, stoic Yankees fans plan to turn their clocks back 75 to 100 years this weekend to a time when the team were a perennial World Series participant.
Warren: “I understand what it’s like to be rebellious, wild and free, taking tokes off the old peace pipe while ‘Happy to Be Stuck With You’ carries you off into the the type of psychedelic wonderland that only Huey Lewis & the News can carry you off to.”
In a session that lasted only 22 minutes, the wild-eyed and unkempt council members approved Amendment 306: Provide the Raddest Fucking Laser Fireworks Show Ever by a vote of 13-0.
Researchers believe the shrimp might stop testing positive for cocaine if local police were to develop a more environmentally friendly policy of leaving the meth supply intact.
Creuzot: “An officer pulling that driver to the side of the road in what amounts to an emergency situation is an inconvenience to the driver, who is wincing in pain trying to hold all that warm brown butter inside, as opposed to the driver being an inconvenience to the community.”
A study of high-school students showed that desperate teens are now resorting to marijuana to get the same buzz they used to get from innocent, legal items they found lying about their homes like Robitussin, jenkem, or Raid-laced cigarettes.