“Imagine a world where you can get safe, legal contact cement or spray duster on your parents’ medical insurance card until you’re 25.”
White House planning to hide valuable, pocket-sized items ahead of Hunter Biden visit
An appraisal business reportedly financed by Hunter Biden estimates that the total value of items to be hidden by White House staff is over $2.3 million at auction.
Online Yankees fans plan to turn clocks back 75 years again this weekend
With the 2019 MLB season behind us, stoic Yankees fans plan to turn their clocks back 75 to 100 years this weekend to a time when the team were a perennial World Series participant.
Amid “hip” campaign reset, Elizabeth Warren admits she smoked peace pipe, listened to Huey Lewis in 1980s
Warren: “I understand what it’s like to be rebellious, wild and free, taking tokes off the old peace pipe while ‘Happy to Be Stuck With You’ carries you off into the the type of psychedelic wonderland that only Huey Lewis & the News can carry you off to.”
Denver will celebrate decriminalizing magic mushrooms with biggest fucking laser fireworks display ever
In a session that lasted only 22 minutes, the wild-eyed and unkempt council members approved Amendment 306: Provide the Raddest Fucking Laser Fireworks Show Ever by a vote of 13-0.
Shrimp are testing positive for cocaine because their plug was all out of meth, study claims
Researchers believe the shrimp might stop testing positive for cocaine if local police were to develop a more environmentally friendly policy of leaving the meth supply intact.