Speaker Pelosi: “A buttplug with the letter R on it could have beaten Hillary Clinton. And by some estimations, that’s exactly what happened.”
“Americans would be fools to trust a less powerful force,” the orb of light informed captivated onlookers while casually inhaling the essence of an entire child. “It is only I who has the true power to reign!”
An insider indicates that the weary DNC may relocate to Dallas, Texas.
“They’re feeling beaten down enough by the current administration that they even considered giving (Trump) a parade down there, a well-deserved victory lap” the insider reported.
During a 1983 interview with David Lee Roth, 2020 presidential hopeful Elizabeth Warren suggested that Van Halen should break up because their success had created a shortage of cocaine for upcoming bands.
“It’s always entertaining to watch him bait people the way he does to win these bets,” billionaire friend Quinton P. Moneybags stated. “Always worth the one dollar.”
You’ll soon be able to find Ocasio-Cortez cornbread, Green Deal green tea and more soon on “Alexandria’s Apartment”, C-Span’s new weekly homemaking show featuring newly-elected Congresswoman Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez.