“Some people are calling me a dark horse candidate, but I consider myself the black corpse candidate!” O’Rourke announced before throwing up devil horns and hissing at the confused bystanders.
Tag: beto o’rourke
Amid “hip” campaign reset, Elizabeth Warren admits she smoked peace pipe, listened to Huey Lewis in 1980s
Warren: “I understand what it’s like to be rebellious, wild and free, taking tokes off the old peace pipe while ‘Happy to Be Stuck With You’ carries you off into the the type of psychedelic wonderland that only Huey Lewis & the News can carry you off to.”
Frazzled Bernie Sanders hopes to tax, redistribute Joe Biden’s popularity
“There has to be a way, I’m thinking, to redistribute some of what Biden has right now,” said a frazzled Sanders, who entered the night trailing Biden by nearly 10 points in polling among Democratic candidates.
Out-of-place man can’t wait to get the fuck back into air-conditioned truck
“I bet The Price Is Right is on right now. And I’m missing it. Just out here in the middle of nowhere, primping for a camera and missing the first Showcase Showdown.”
Totally rad! Beto O’Rourke says he was hip teenage chronic masturbator just like you, young voters!
“I was doing my own bed laundry by the time I was 14,” O’Rourke almost-perfectly quipped at a rally in Iowa, connecting himself with young voters.
