Alex’s new personal accounts appear under the names Schmalex Chones, Dallex Dones, and Olive Obama. He reports that his new Facebook page — Schminfowars — will be up and running by later today.
“Some things have been done, and some things have been said, and some people have started saying I’m low class,” the performer lamented to the crowd.
“Well, I’m here to prove to my haters that I’m not Low Class Snowbama, I’m at least Middle Class Snowbama.”
“You seem stressed,” Obama quipped about rappers. “We have enough stress at the White House. There’s this whole Trump thing and my administration needs to stay focused.”
Our unbiased team finds a viral email about Trump hiring prostitutes in lieu of installing sprinklers to be Half True.
“When I said that I opposed gun control measures, I couldn’t have been more clear: I meant that I did not want Democrats enforcing them.”
If convicted, he could face from 25 years in prison to a one-way trip to the White House Dining Hall for a future Thanksgiving dinner.