President Trump: “There’s something not entirely right about it, but my staff keeps reassuring me that the man is as trustworthy as they are.”
A White House source says President Trump is “winging it” today after sleeping through four alarms and missing “Fox & Friends”, generally considered the President’s morning briefing.
“Some people are calling me a dark horse candidate, but I consider myself the black corpse candidate!” O’Rourke announced before throwing up devil horns and hissing at the confused bystanders.
The president described his disgust and disappointment that NWS employees are put into a trusted position by average Americans, only to have them “lie and lie again, big league.”
Warren: “I understand what it’s like to be rebellious, wild and free, taking tokes off the old peace pipe while ‘Happy to Be Stuck With You’ carries you off into the the type of psychedelic wonderland that only Huey Lewis & the News can carry you off to.”
The newly proposed bill would effectively eliminate the sale of condoms, patches, sponges and diaphragms in the state, as well as placing penalty on the report or discovery of practices like pulling out, felching, and the loads-to-the-face and loads-to-the-tits methods.