“If you need someone who can whip a team of housewives into shape, I’m your man,” the former manager said in one of a series of Tweets addressed to Epstein.
The science community has known for almost 3 decades that the phrase “2 Legit” was mathematically incorrect. Now, they’re finally coming clean.
“Knowing that a star of Dinklage’s stature was going to be present ahead of time, we were able to dispatch intel and net three of these dwarf-trafficking bastards,” said Chief Constable Hamilton. “Today we made it a little bit safer for little people.”
Having learned nothing from the Ben Affleck and George Clooney debacles, Warner Bros. and director Matt Reeves seem set to select talentless, pasty Robert Pattinson to play the caped crusader.
Reader Landon Leibowitz describes how 1970s star Crystal Gayle gave him a new appreciation for today’s country music singers.
“Some people are calling me a dark horse candidate, but I consider myself the black corpse candidate!” O’Rourke announced before throwing up devil horns and hissing at the confused bystanders.