America’s masturbators breathed a collective moan of relief when Miley Cyrus announced today that she had decided to remain in the US.
“We all looked like assholes. We all felt like assholes.”
“Hillary may be boring and vague, but we were running against a racist with deplorable, basic redneck supporters. How could we just lose to someone who uses so much divisive language? No one deserves to lose just because people want reasonable options to mediocrity.”
It remains to be seen how the Children’s Television Workshop or HBO will handle this latest Twitter meltdown.
“Our responsibility is Canadians first!”
“Me like cookie cutter. Me no like carrot,” said the 68 year old son of German immigrants who has recently come under fire for angry rants on Twitter.