In a session that lasted only 22 minutes, the wild-eyed and unkempt council members approved Amendment 306: Provide the Raddest Fucking Laser Fireworks Show Ever by a vote of 13-0.
Ford representatives say they also believe that the vehicles may have been compromised by a tradition of Ford craftsmanship.
Women in Congress have only had their own restroom in the US Capitol since 2011. Lately, it’s been a nightmare of used tampons and “hover method” usage.
Researchers believe the shrimp might stop testing positive for cocaine if local police were to develop a more environmentally friendly policy of leaving the meth supply intact.
“We expect that we might run into some trouble with animal activists over impaling the horses to keep them in their slots,” one official worries.
The report dooms those of us who were really, really relying upon such an event to lay waste to humanity on this stupid planet to continue waiting for global warming, nuclear winter, aliens, large kaiju-type monsters, or a meteoric event to mercifully wipe out mankind.