The incident report indicates that Moats was crying and shouting “They’re stealing my president, now they done took my damn toe!”
Trump: “Mr. Dahmer should have remained free under the same type of justifiable homicide defense that often exonerates our boys in blue.”
“Just in case there aren’t militias blowing each other to smithereens and fires raging in the city well into the night, we’ll want to congratulate Joe Biden on the amazing crowd he has, which will certainly be much bigger than the Trump crowd.”
A weedeater operations specialist from Bearslit says he “didn’t take the mail-in votes seriously” and claims he submitted thousands of ballots to prove his point.
“In a city that generates as much shit as DC, the toilet paper supply isn’t taken lightly,” one soldier told our reporter.
A hacker posted a series of photos suggesting an illicit affair between Melania Trump and a man believed to be Virginia newsman Randall Everend.