CLUNGE, Virginia — Noting that he can’t afford cash bonuses this time around, Harry Biker’s Bar & Grill regular Bennett Rubble wowed the club’s nude performers Friday when he generously offered them each an invitation to a team-building after-hours pizza party.
“Believe me, I know that they would probably rather have money,” Bennett told reporters while trying to carefully remove a 2 for $15 coupon from the back corner of a drink menu. “But, for me, money is much tighter right now than I was hoping. I’m trying to expand my own business in the face of adversity and hardship and have already had to cancel an in-ground pool to make it work. Make no mistake, I’d loved to have just given each of these dancers $5 in exchange for all of their time that I monopolized— they’ve earned it! — but this was all that was in my budget at this difficult time.”
“Besides, this way all the dancers, both big-chested and small, can enjoy the same opportunity instead of the disproportionate share that I would ordinarily offer. That said, I’m really thinking that when they bend over right in front of me at the end of their routines and pick up those invites, it gives them a little something to look forward to.”
“Plus, pizza parties are a fantastic team-builder,” Bennett noted, convincingly. “We all know how close these girls are in these types of clubs, but there’s still no time like today to do a little team building. Some of the girls sounded like they’re genuinely looking forward to spending their free time after hours huddled around a table with their family of co-workers instead of going home or to somewhere that they’d enjoy,” Bennett proclaimed.
Performer Taylor told reporters, “I mean, spending time with people you’re forced to coexist with, enjoying exactly one slice of cheese pizza … what more could you hope for, riiiight?”
At press time, Bennett was informing Taylor that he could only squeeze in one order of breadsticks, but that he would share them with her if she gave him an under-the-table tugger through his khakis.