Sources in Hollywood say that the entertainment capital is facing a midget shortage as availability of little actors is dwarved by the availability of little people roles.
Hollywood insiders tell The Brown Valley Observer that as roles for little people have exploded thanks to increased interest in fantasy films, the pool of available actors seems to have shrunk. As a result, the film and television industries have been left scrambling to fill coveted roles for trolls, gnomes, leprechauns, homunculi and ankle-biting menaces. A Disney insider reports that, lacking midget actors, the media giant may be forced to computer generate 7 tiny Johnny Galeckis for its upcoming live-action Snow White and the Seven Dwarves presentation.
“It’ll be pretty much Deep Roy in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory all over again, except with that sawed-off guy from Roseanne and The Big Bang Theory,” the Disney executive explained.
In recent years, Hollywood has lost numerous notable little actors. In the past 4 years alone, established stars Felix Silla, Verne Troyer and Mikey Post all passed away, short-changing the already diminutive pool of entertainers.
“A few years back it seemed like midget entertainers were everywhere. No matter where you looked those little shits were scampering about,” one Hollywood director reported.
“Midgets were so plentiful back in the day. Remember The Wizard of Oz?” the director recalled. “Hell, 20 years ago you could have done a live-action Smurfs movie without pulling up short. There were so many midgets available that even Kid Rock had one that bounced around onstage like a hockey puck. But it’s been some time since a casting agent could look down and immediately find the likes of Gary Coleman, Billy Barty or Herve Villechaize that they could use to fill some tiny menacing evil sidekick role.”
Hollywood casting agent Barb Rassle pleaded with the midget community to abandon their jobs as barstools, crawlspace decorators and coal mine warning systems and come out to Hollywood to try out for a role.
“If you’re a midget who’s had even the tiniest inkling about becoming an actor, we’re hiring.”
“At times, we’ve been forced to hire non-union midgets and pay them under the table,” Rassle confessed. “We’re doing whatever it takes with a short staff. There are so many open roles for midget actors in fantasy films and children’s shows that if pretty much any midget strolls through my pet door, looks me square in the knees and says ‘I want work’, they’re hired. But that’s not what’s happening. Directors are getting used to having short notice before midget actors appear on their sets.”
Brown Valley Observer 