With Neil Young’s music exiting the platform after a kerflap over Joe Rogan’s presence on the streaming service, Spotify users will be forced to resort to desperate measures to wring any musical entertainment value out of the platform whatsoever, with some experts suggesting that many users will probably resort to listening to that one Randy Buttsex song over and over again.
Young demanded the platform remove his music due to the platform hosting Joe Rogan’s show, The Joe Rogan Experience. Young believes that Rogan has used the platform to spread COVID misinformation, a claim that Rogan says he does not understand.
“Aside from Joe Rogan, Neil Young was pretty much the only reason that anyone had been using our service,” a Spotify spokesperson told The Brown Valley Observer. “Podcasts aside, attempts to promote new music, cutting edge artists, and hit music have pretty much fallen flat. People mostly came to hear Neil drone on about his drug use and how depressed he was about his father, things people could identify with.”
The kerflap creates quite an issue for Spotify, which expects to see a “Limewire Effect” wave within the coming days as a result of the fallout.
“Lacking Neil’s music, we expect Spotify to see what is called the Limewire Effect, where desperate users who only signed up for access to the extensive Neil Young library will begin performing keyword searches based upon their interests,” one internet music expert explained. “And people’s interests are really pretty limited, so inevitably they’ll they’ll land in spots that common keyword searches usually land everyday, average people in the same places: on obscure punk and noise bands with songs like “Golden Showers” or “I Kill Everything I Fuck” or band names like Cocknoose, The Tits, Cock and Ball Torture, and the Fucking Fucks. Eventually, they’ll land on something weird like Randy Buttsex and just listen to him sing that one GG Allin song about his dick being on the loose that we have over and over again.”
Responding to Spotify’s comments via his Facebook page, Mr. Buttsex told our staff, “Oh, I have a song on Spotify? I didn’t know until today. I’m not getting paid for that. Can’t Neil Young just take his music off Bandcamp or MySpace so people will be forced to listen to me there instead?”