“I voted for one so I can use that word now” defense fails to prevent assault of local man

BROWN VALLEY, Virginia – Despite his insistence that his voting record made it ok to use that word, Brown Valley resident Rick Vine was hospitalized Wednesday after approaching a group of young men on West Balboa Street and yelling, “Hey! Hey niggers! Do any of y’all know where I can get a big screen TV for cheap?”

Vine, a Caucasian man who addressed the group of young to our reporter as “my people” and as “a well meaning and probably very well educated group of young men of indeterminable skin color”, was admitted to Culvert County Regional Hospital Tuesday night with multiple fractures, contusions, and at least 14 stab wounds. The injuries allegedly occurred in a skirmish with the six young men Vine had described.

Vine said that within moments of approaching them, the men seemed “inexplicably agitated by (his) verbiage”. It was at that point that he explained to them, “No guys, it’s cool, I voted for one so I can use that word now.”

“At first, it was almost like they didn’t know what kind of a person they they were dealing with,” Vine explained.

According to Vine, the “I voted for one” defense has worked routinely within the circles he commonly travels. However, he says, the young men on Balboa Street seemed less forgiving.

“I knew that they didn’t appreciate all that I have done for their people right about the time I saw that one of them was carrying an ice pick,” Vine told our reporter.

As of press time, Vine remains hospitalized. He says he is choosing not to press charges against his assailants for now, and says that his plans after his release include continuing to watch Designing Women DVDs on his old 26-inch television set and being more careful where he shops in the future.

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