BROWN VALLEY, Virginia – Local police report that Brown Valley resident Ralph Moats shot off the big toe on his left foot Saturday night while prepping for a civil war he believes is imminent when a shotgun he was cleaning accidentally discharged.
The shotgun blast at 1:30am startled neighbors, who alerted police. The first officers to arrive on the scene found Moats heavily intoxicated and visibly shaken with a gunshot wound to his foot. Deputies were quickly able to determine that the wound was self-inflicted with a shotguun they found near Moats. They were able to discern from Moats’ confession that the gun was an heirloom passed down by his father.
“Mr. Moats was obviously in shock and was hollering about politics and his grandaddy when we found him,” Culvert County Deputy Jason Palooka stated in the police incident report.
The incident report further indicates that Moats was crying loudly and shouting “They’re stealing my president, now they done took my goddamn toe!”
Moats was sent to Brown Valley Medical Center for immediate medical attention. Police report that doctors there were unable to save Mr. Moats’ toe.
The firearm, which Moats is not legally allowed to own due to a prior criminal record, was confiscated. While charges may be pending, police have not yet levied a formal complaint against Moats, who remains hospitalized under police supervision.
Culvert County Police have not indicated whether or not Moats has been identified as an associate of any revolutionary groups that have sprung up in the wake of President Trump’s defeat in the 2020 election.