US ceremoniously takes The Boot away from Republicans, returns it to Democrats

The United States government passed the ceremonial Boot on January 20, allowing Democrats the privilege of licking the same long-cherished symbol of American authoritarianism under the guise of patriotism that Republicans have enjoyed licking for the past 4 years.

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Oh, you delicious bastard!

The tradition of passing The Unquestionably Delicious Boot back and forth between Republicans and Democrats dates back to 1861, when Abraham Lincoln formally became the first Republican president, allowing his supporters to assume the time-honored Boot from supporters of Democrat James Buchanan. The Boot, and the accompanying bragging rights as to whose turn it is to lick The Boot, has formally changed hands — and plates — 19 times since. Republicans most recently held The Boot in their mouths from 2017 to 2020, while Democrats last enjoyed it’s succulent, well-polished leather from 2009-2016.
Although it remains to be seen exactly how Democrats plan to administer The Boot, bragging rights which accompany The Boot will allow Democrats to agree with any new law or government program — even those which that individual would not usually support — with immunity to criticism and the right to say “this is exactly what we voted for” in eerie unision while refuting any nationalist tags which might otherwise be associated, a privilege which Republicans are certain to envy after four years of enjoying a similar luxury.

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