We need to get rid of the 14th Amendment so we can enforce mandatory mask laws

Today’s opinion comes to us from Ophelia Payne from Lime Stripe, Virginia, via email.

Look, we’ve heard it already.
With COVID-19 still a part of our daily lives, you can hardly suggest wearing a mask in public without someone browbeating you with a Constitutional lecture. There’s just no shortage of redneck assholes who obviously have law degrees employed in bountiful careers such as grain clerks and limited liability drywall contractors who’ll start throwing Constitutional jibber-jabber in your face if you mention masks as if some 200+ year old document can define common courtesy in 2020.
I just suggested that you not infect me with your cooties, Derrick, now what’s it going to be today? Ye Olde 10 Amendment Privileges lecture again?
Seriously, don’t you think this Constitution bit’s done got out of hand?
Any document which is actively working against the general safety and welfare of the public at large is hardly worth the paper it’s written on, is it? While many of the ideas may seem timeless, can’t we just admit that there are others which are long past their expiration date?
With coronavirus remaining a constant threat, and with no end to quarantines, travel restrictions and other social constraints in sight, it’s time that we took serious and impactful measures to curtail this pandemic.
Point blank: eliminating this existential threat to humanity has to start with mandatory masks.
That’s why it only makes sense that we stood together and called upon our state legislatures to demand a constitutional convention with the intent of eliminating the 14th Amendment to the United States Constitution, thereby allowing states to pass and enforce mandatory mask laws.
The 14th Amendment states “No State shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any State deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law.” Right off, that tells you that they can make non-citizens wear masks, but that’s admittedly a little bit racist and there’s no way you’ll get me to go there. Besides, forcing all the immigrants to wear masks simply doesn’t mean a thing until Private Citizen Reginald D. Leghumper in Facefart, Kentucky is wearing his mask like the rest if us, anyway. And Kentucky can’t pass a law that abridges the privilege of good ol’ Reggie D to walk around bare-faced and grinning his obliviously stupid four-toothed grin while certain extinction is upon us, because even as the state can define freedoms left undefined by the Constitution as guaranteed by the 10th Amendment, that state law would be in violation of the stupid 14th Amendment.
By eliminating the provisions of the 14th Amendment, the options on how to force everyone to submit to wearing masks become more plentiful. Since the 10th already guarantees the rights of states to legislate rights not apportioned by the Constitution, the rights of the states to take action have until now been specifically impeded by the 14th; without it, the individual states can impose the appropriate sanctioned liberty restrictions required to get us through this.
Oh, sure, the Federal government could also unhamper everyone from the limits of the 10th Amendment and could pass a federal law stating that common health measures would fall under federal supervision, allowing the federal government to impose things like mask laws or mandatory vaccinations or Medicare-For-All indiscriminately as prescribed by common sense values of a 21st century society to handle crises like the one we face without destroying the futures of so many.
Sounds easy, right?
Not so. Look, we’re not getting Medicare For All, nor even a reasonable alternative. The current crop of Republicans would block any legislation that could so much as allow for Medicare For All to exist and thrive. The Republicans will fight tooth and nail to protect against any path to wellness that might have been found via the 10th Amendment.
But I think we can get them to bend on the 14th.
So, the path to wellness must be plowed directly over the 14th Amendment. And the sooner, the better.
The vaccination question makes our quick action to eliminate the 14th quickly all the more crucial, as mandatory vaccinations will certainly become a crucial issue by 2023 when coronavirus vaccines are likely to begin rolling out.
By parting ways with the 14th, we can begin to put some dark and uncomfortable days behind us and finally forge a path towards a brighter future.