A poll of US scientists finds that 95% of social scientists who believe in climate change theories also believe that we should be encouraging climate change at this point as opposed to trying to reverse the effect.
The poll, conducted by the Culvert Community College Department of Sciences, found that a near-consensus of social scientists believe that, regardless of the effects of climate change, human beings are on a crash course with extermination either through war, socioeconomic theory, or something similarly stupid, concluding that it makes sense to root for one or the other.
The scientists also largely agreed that investment into “saving the planet” is egocentric, with it’s naive proponents largely favoring saving one particular species, while a full consensus of those polled believed that the planet would be perfectly fine once all the humans had been eliminated.
“In purely social scientific terms, we’re pretty much fucked,” said Dr. Randall Kirger, head of the social sciences department at Culvert. “It’s no longer an issue of believing in climate change or not believing in climate change, but instead a realization that hastening the end of human life could only benefit the planet.”
“If I didn’t believe that the earth’s climate was warming at this point, I would invest the time and effort to find some way to make it do so,” said Kirger, who recently authored “Brushfires and You”, a book on death and dying centered around the psychology of understanding, encouraging and enjoying the elimination of the human species.
“Some scientists see the Earth as a uniform organism, this huge interwoven network of interdependent connected functions,” said Arizona’s Dr. Albert Beck, who specializes in youth studies and media quotes. “Those scientists see climate change as the planet’s means of self-repair — that the planet wants or needs some aspect eliminated — and the obvious target is homo sapiens.
“And why wouldn’t we be the target?” Beck asked. “Have you seen the stuff people post on social media?”
“The problem of climate change isn’t something humans should interfere with, as extermination is the inevitable and logical conclusion of every dominant species throughout the history of the planet,” said Douglas Howser of The Eastman Center in Los Angeles. “At this point, the best thing we can do is set out a tub of popcorn and watch this season’s climax.”