After Virginia voters’ historic 2019 vote to turn both houses of the state legislature blue for the first time in decades, Virginia voters seemed excited to welcome their new corporate overlords.
Virginia voter Ginny Voder said it was high time that Virginia came under the influence of entirely different corporations.
“It’s been long overdue that we wash the slate clean of the influence of decades worth of energy dollars and inject some good, wholesome retail and pharmaceutical money into the mix,” Voder asserted. “And you get the unions right along with them. It’s win-win.”
“It’s a good thing to get government to listen to different corporate interests and to represent different corporate values every now and then to really shake things up,” said Lennon Plugg, a high school teacher from Clunge, Virginia.
“Really, we had to start asking ourselves, is oil money good money?,” Plugg told a reporter on the Channel 6 Nightly News at 11. “I mean, tobacco money is awesome, it’s always going to be awesome and it’s never going away. But oil money? We’re not a big oil state, so why did we keep falling for the scam of respecting their money over and over again? But now … now we’re in cahoots with Pfizer, Target, and Facebook, so maybe now we will see an honest and concerted effort from politicians at the local level to do something about healthcare or to help get wages raised for all of those low-wage retail wor …. wait, maybe I didn’t think this through all the way.”
Christian liberal Charity Fudrive of Brown Valley, Virginia, told The Observer, “I’ll remember from now on to keep Pfizer and Starbucks and Bank of America — companies I am confident have my best interests at heart — in my nightly prayers. God bless you, corporate sponsors!”