According to a joint report released Monday from the US Federal Election Commission and the American Psychological Association, apparently it’s perfectly safe to vote in a US election without being a virtue-signalling asshole who posts a photograph of your “I voted” sticker on social media afterwards.
The report indicates that there is no impending danger, public nor private, caused by not being an attention-seeking dipshit who contributes to the useless, drowning stream of identical photos of red, white, and blue stickers that clog every social network on election days.
A panel of American psychologists who’ve done extensive research into internet attention whoring have concluded that the average attention-starved social media user will never really miss the average of three social media “likes” that users get on a sticker photograph whenever that user is a C-cup or smaller. The FEC further clarified that there remains no legal penalty for failing to post a picture of a sticker, and that no one needs to feel compelled to take the sticker from their polling location, no matter how cheerful or even aggressive the attendants may seem about distributing them.
The newest report is sourced mainly in a controlled experiment that took place following 2018 midterm elections, where psychologists selected 250 random voters who agreed to abstain from posting a picture of their sticker on social media. One year later, 247 of those voters appear to have suffered no repercussions for not posting the picture and getting a handful of “likes” on it. Three have since died from unrelated opioid overdoses.
“While some said they felt left out by not posting the photograph, even the saddest of attention-whoring social media users report that the nagging feeling they experienced about not posting the photograph dissipated within 48 hours, and all seem to have recovered and continue to have normal, healthy social media lives.”
The report also cites findings from previous American Psychological Association studies on social media behaviors. In one passage pertaining to “I voted” stickers, psychologists stated that “boring assholes from all walks of life— most of whom have no sway over even their dumbest friends — remain convinced that their social media posts are influential and that they deserve attention for delivering a nonstop barrage of inane political postings that just repeat what their television news station said, ultimately replicating the postings of 100 other of their own miserable, thinking-impaired asshole friends, most of whom also like to watch TV news and rephrase whatever they heard while pretending they had an original thought. Posting a photo of their ‘I voted’ sticker is just an extension of that, in that it is inane, pointless, and completely stupid.”