With the calendar flipping to November, the seasons flipping to late autumn, and the 2019 World Series behind us, stoic online fans of the New York Yankees — Major League Baseball’s most storied franchise — plan to turn their offseason clocks back 75 to 100 years this weekend, to a time when the team were a perennial World Series participant.
The Yankees fan tradition of turning the offseason clock back to times of Yankees dominance dates back ten consecutive World Series’. The movement is believed to be traced to Gascon®, a popular New York autumn beverage believed to bring about delusions and other hallucinogenic effects.
As part of the annual tradition, Yankees fans collect online to LARP like the Yankees are still the team who were able to translate imagery of the legendary Babe Ruth into a contracting advantage with the best young talent through the 1950s, creating a period of dominance where the team won 20 championships in the then-small league between 1923-1962. A number of factors — including league expansion, free agency, and foreign scouting —- have since leveled the playing field. Yankees championships have been much fewer and farther between over the past six decades, a fact that has completely escaped the notice of the team’s most vocal, slack-jawed fan presence online.
“We the best. Still the best. Always the best. Gonna do it again next year. We know it!” said arrogant, ill-educated Yankees fan Bruce Bomletter of Yonkers in a social media post that might have been relevant seven decades ago.
“The race for the 28th ring is officially on, and everyone else has already been eliminated! Obliterated! We gonna show those haters! My boys already got the space cleared in the team’s trophy case,” Bomletter said in another post, referencing a barren spot in the Yankee Stadium trophy case that has been covered over with more than a decade worth of dust.
“Who else got dat 1937 ring? Dat 1943 ring? What dis? 1928? Yeah we got dat 1, too,” posted pompous asshole and nostalgia enthusiast Seth Broglin — a fan since 2011 — who feels a close emotional bond to baseball games he never watched.
“Who can compete with our boys? We have the best top-to-bottom lineup in the sport today. Who’s even in league with our guys? Bregman? Overrated! Cole? Overrated! Trout? So, SO freaking OVERRATED and it’s not even funny. Does Mike Trout have 27 rings? Hell no, he don’t! He’s got ZERO! But we got them raaaangs, boi! 27 of them!” said unwittingly confident fan Lou Deskins about the team’s yet-undetermined 2020 lineup.
“You got to wonder how jealous Trout is of all the rings that this Yankees team has,” Deskins said in another social media post, accompanied by a picture of himself caressing a poster of Aaron Judge.
“Nobody can compete with us because no one’s got the history we’ve got. Do the Dodgers have 27 rings? Do the Red Sox? Does Mr. T? We got it all! All the dynasties! Who can even win these days besides us? Remember the Bobby Cox Braves? Loserville! How you gonna go to the playoffs 14 times and a bunch of World Series’ and only win one championship? The Braves are embarrassing as a franchise, unlike us, the class of the league,” said James Freddler, a fan of a Yankees team who have advanced to the World Series only once in their last 15 playoff appearances.
In keeping with tradition, Yankees fans plan to keep their offseason clocks set to 75 Years Ago Standard until the second week of March, by which time MLB Spring Training will be under way and it will become apparent that the Yankees are again outmatched in the race for the 2020 World Series, and at which time Yankees fans will be forced to reset their clocks to Pride Saving Denial time.
Brown Valley Observer 