Just a day after the Washington Post was criticized for referring to Abu Bakr al Baghdadi as an “austere religious scholar” in his obituary, The Brown Valley Observer — a local and national news organization based in Virginia — faces similar scrutiny after referring to international terror group ISIS as “a captivating band of big-dicked dreamboats” in their own obituary about the deposed ISIS leader.
“We are embarrassed that we published this reference,” BVO spokesman D.R. Everend stated in an apologetic article. “Clearly, we would have been much more careful about the words we chose if we had only realized that people who did not find ISIS to be chock-full of dreamy superstuds with giant, throbbing, well-oiled members would be reading.”
Everend admitted the Observer edited the story several times after publication in an attempt to find a politically-correct balance between the sentiments of the world-at-large towards the Islamic State organization and paying appropriate respect to their own financiers.
Ultimately, Everend decided to remove the obituary from the news website altogether.
“I really thought we had it with the last edit,” Everend stated about the final version of the obituary that appeared on their website. “However, despite referring to ISIS as a rogue outfit of terrorist extremists in that article, there were still a few readers who took exception to the claim that (the author) would have gladly let al Baghdadi ejaculate all over his fat, hairless chest and beard.”
Everend says the Observer plans to give more consideration in the future to making statements that the staff feels accurately reflect upon the publication’s longstanding record of wholesome, honest American values.
“Make no mistake, at no time were we advocating for ISIS, nor for the type of terror that ISIS has unleashed on the world. That type of evil must be stopped at all costs. And if ‘all costs’ means manually draining the balls of each and every one of those rippling, deliciously handsome bastards, then so be it.”