Denver will celebrate decriminalizing magic mushrooms with biggest fucking laser fireworks display ever

Hours after Denver voters chose to decriminalize psychedelic mushrooms, the City Council voted to increase spending on the city’s July 4th festivities and offer Denver the biggest fucking laser fireworks display ever.
With the measure to decriminalize psilocybin mushrooms passing late Tuesday night, the City Council agreed to skip morning Wednesday morning proceedings and instead only meet for the afternoon session. There, in a session that lasted only 22 minutes, the wild-eyed and unkempt council members approved Amendment 306: Provide the Raddest Fucking Laser Fireworks Show Ever — which offered an added $200,000 towards improving the annual laser fireworks show — by a vote of 13-0.
D6 councilman Paul Kashmann says he hopes to be on the planning board for the show, saying he wants a provide his constituents with a show that “will absolutely melt our fucking faces back with full flashing lights and explosive fucking boom boom boom boom fucking boom! Holy fucking shit, this is going to be the fucking tits, man!”
The brief session offered the council little time to vote on other measures, only offering 9-3 with one abstention against allowing one barely lucid councilman to pee right in the corner, and 12-1 favoring that pen-spinning thing Councilwoman Kendra Black was doing being really fucking far out. Though not put to vote, the council generally agreed with Councilwoman Robin Kniech’s assertion that “Cardi B is kind of like the Grateful Dead and kind of like Moby, too, if you really think about it.”

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